happy mood

7 Dec. 2006

for a long time now I have a nick on MSN and it’s “moody as hell”. People ask me what’s up with this, why am I moody, what happened and I forget I have the nick, but then I realize that It’s sooo right, at any time the only attribute I can give to myself in this crazy country is moody as hell… it’s really something beyond my control, I empower myself and other everyday, but then again I cannot fight it constantly…so I wake up with no energy coz I went to bed exhausted last night after working until 2am, and then I get a call from my travel agent that I have my ticket to go home for xmass, this after a couple of days before I was almost fighting with him over the phone that it’s not possible everything is booked, he has to find a way …. And I wasn’t convinced at all by his weak motivation that he will find a way… and then, after 2 months of fighting against the wind mills, the visa for Bahrain just falls from the sky and I’m happy, but then again once I arrived in the airport I n Bahrain and had to enter the country, they kept me there for 8 hrs coz I didn’t have the re-entry visa to Kuwait ready… then, I come back to Kuwait, I know I need to move from my apartment to some other company accommodation, I bug them with this for 2 weeks and still one day after the deadline I had for my old accommodation they don’t know where to put me… luckily I have a good relationship with my current flat mate and I could move in with her and get out of the tutorship of the company, otherwise I would have spilled my “mood” in a “as hell” way that they didn’t experience so far…. Eastern European choleric style …hihiihihih.. then after problem is solved, I find out I’m flying to Dubai in 2 days so I have to buy furniture for my new house tomorrow and arrange myself, unpack and all that stuff coz in less than 48hrs I have to be presentable to get introduced to the potentially future working environment. Uh… and today it was a boring start of the day at work then I had to study then I had exam and I passed, then I met a French guy, seems nice, hope I’ll have a good interaction with him for the next two weeks as we’re going to stay in this country; then I run out in the middle of our freshly started interaction because my ride for my next objective of the day arrived, and I had to comfort a 100 times more frustrated than me friend, which was a new situation actually, because he was the one who usually comforted me or advised me or heard me out when I had to express heavy frustrations, and went to the travel agency and got my ticket for going home for Christmas …I am so excited at the thought my dear parents don’t know I will arrive and I’m dying to see the look on their faces when they see me on Christmas eve; then I get home where I expect to find my flat mate to talk about a strategy to furnish out new flat in the shortest time possible, but no flat mate at home, she’s wondering around the country doing useful stuff I hope at least… so no one to share the pleasure of strategic planning for decoration purposes and for living purposes after all. But then a guy calls, long chat, a bit strange, abrupt and random, I can’t identify why I have a hard time to relate to this person, uh uh uh… he has potential to be a friend of mine but I feel we will have a lot to work on our relationship to bring it to a very comfortable level.. but brought a smile on my face the fact he called.

Now, does anyone understand why I’m moody as hell?
And did you identify any mention of any social life whatsoever? Another point worthy of analysis.

I’ll let you judge… or dream with eyes wide open in a good mood!!!

Ame

being rethroactive...

2 Dec 2006

In ton de Iggy Pop si-n sunet de pe vremea liceului, in nebunie de ratacitor fara casa, in ceata unei lumi fara culoare si fara savoare… am gasit un ghem de bucurie, ce-mi adduce un zambet ascuns pe buze, un zambet numai al meu. E bucuria trairii unei prietenii. Nu mi-am dat seama niciodata pana acum cat de mult inseamna sa vezi un prieten dupa lunga vreme, nu mi-am dat seama ce inseamna acea prietenie unica pe care o atribui unei singure persoane, acel statut de cel mai bun prieten, care inseamna toti prietenii la un loc si mai mult. E si asta un sentiment ratacit, nesavurat la adevarata lui intensitate, asa, zi de zi, poate ca de aia l-am simtit acum de multe ori mai puternic pentru ca mi-am dat seama de lipsa lui atata amar de vreme. Stiu ca de data asta timpul si-a pus amprenta asupra prieteniei mele, asupra felului in care interactionez cum prietena mea, ne-a adus schimbare in prioritati si maturitate, mie mi-a adus acelasi deliciu al regasirii si o umbra de frustrare ca timpul petrecut impreuna a fost prea scurt si ca lumea graviteaza in jurul prietenilor asa cum ei graviteaza in jurul lumii si nasc noi prietenii. Cred ca sutn geloasa… asa, o unda de gelozie ingenua ca nu pot fi in permanenta in apropiere, ca pot pierde un loc prioritar in ordinea impartasirilor… dar e o gelozie platonica, asa cum este si afectiunea ce-mi tine prietenia vie si adevarata. J

I should say HAPPY BDAY ROMANIANS all around the world, feel good, be happy and put a smile on as many faces as you can, because you are ;lucky people, or at least you should take a moment to reflect and realize the good things, the luck hidden behind some of your sorrows… I say it on behalf of yesterday: Happy bday Romanians, from Bahrein with love, anywhere you are!

And if I mentioned Bahrein, I will start getting factual and visual and share a bit about my last 4 days – bouncing in between two of the controversial countries of the Gulf: Kuwait and Bahrein…
I don’t remember if I mentioned before, but one of my biggest frustrations for the last two months of my life was that, although I have enough money and I even managed to get days off from work in a very loaded period, I couldn’t travel outside Kuwait. I wanted so much to visit three dear friends in the neighboring countries: Mada in Bahrein, Dri in Qatar and Antonio in Dubai… and I was facing the irreversible and impossible to change situation of being stuck in this God forsaken country called Kuwait. Eh well, 4 days ago the situation changed! Not without challenges of course, but myself and my best friend, we are change agents J and this proves that if you want bad enough something, there’s nothing impossible!!! So, to make a long story short Mada got me a visa to Bahrein through a friend’s father and I finally flew to visit her and after some more adventures in NO MAN’S LAND (in between the borders, literarily in no one’s territory) I entered the long desired country and met Mada, and surprisingly went back in time a bit to the @times, with old people and new ones, with fresh childish spirit and matured empowering vibe, back on the motivational waves and ambitious aspirations of future leaders talk, dreamers land! I missed that… I was thinking what if I wouldn’t have walked away from @ and stayed a bit more to joggle with training and people development and talent management and leadership and making your dreams happen. But then I come back with my feet on the ground and look up to the sky I’m presently under and figure out new dreams and new challenges and realize that making the old dreams happen brought me to where I am now, and will bring me even further just keeping the same spirit and adapting it to the new situation. Self motivational, ha? I found a way out of the “gray” non color mix I had landed and I just hope I’m going to stick to it J

So, the last 4 days I spent them on Bahreini territory, driving around, sight seeing a bit, working a bit, hanging out a bit, meeting a few new people, remembering how it is to run a conference in @. Chill, full, happy, close to Mada 4 days. I am really grateful to faith for these, because although I can’t believe I got away from the conservatory boundaries of Kuwait and didn’t enter a club and didn’t have a zip of alcohol, it really lifted my spirit and I returned with a new energy, enough to keep me going at least until Xmass I hope. The way things look right now, I will be lucky to get out of here for Xmass, but I’m optimistic and energetic and empowered to make things happen… after all, tomorrow is another day J today I have to unpack, wash – both myself and clothes – pack all my things to be ready to move at anytime in the next 48 hours, rest a bit, wake up tomorrow at 5am to go to work, finish work in store and catch up with the office, check whether my holiday was legal, my visa is ok, my accommodation can be worked out without major issues, my assessment will be rescheduled ahead of time, my travel to Dubai will happen before the 15th of Dec., my holidays for Xmass and Newy Year’s are still happening, find a flight to get myself home by that time… and what else??? Uhuuhuhuh…at least next week looks as busy as it could get, both professionally and personally …so …don’t get bored reading more of the stuff I write, just keep fingers crossed and wish me luck!!!

I wish myself nighty night and a week exactly how I want it to be, and even more!

Today

For some people today is a wedding day. For other people today would have been a wedding day if the relation wouldn’t have turned out too toxic to survive. For some people today is a journey day in a warm, sun scented fall day, with a decrepit but colorful fall nature seen through the old train window, all of it witnessed with a “wish you were here” smile…for other people today is a stay-in day, a day for body and spirit to find their way towards harmony, a self-conscious dissection and reassembly of own being, a no act, no thought, no plan, no voice, no “you” day, all of it lighten by a “wish you were here” smile. For some people today is another working day, a day of social interaction and measurable results, of planning and feed backing, ended up with a touch of social distinction within the preferred circles of trust and glamour to guarantee the success on air. For other people today is another head ache day, problems after problems and solutions to match, people who don’t understand, people who want more, people who want the impossible, brain circuits burned in search of innovative ways out, back off, denial, redemption, new energies to keep fighting other people’s battles. What day is today?

2 days and 2 countries away...

I never felt the presure of the lack of communication as strong as i FELT it the last couple of days.. I started a new period in my life, living home again, saying goodbye to all the friends, one hectic week spent in between drinking, dancing and saying bye... visiting Athens for a day, getting to Kuwait... new accommodation, new flat mate, new people to work with , new city to figure out, I didnt get out of the house yet except with company and with a car...so its pretty different than what I've been doing so far.

I have a lot to tell and I promissed myself I'll get a bit more factual not that much "abstract" as I am usually, so I'll use the little time I have online to communicate to the world what I cannot say to people face to face as they are either too far away either I dindn't meet them yet :)

Greece... had a one night stand there, better said one day, coz the night I spent sleeping and recovering after the flight. Can u immagine, they figured out for me a 30 hrs trip from romania to kuwait, with a day in Athens... not too confortable, but I took advantage of the day and visited the lod city...wonderful place, great noisy young crazy people, lots of tourists, superb weather and brilliant narrow streets to walk around, shop around, eat around, parcs, ruins, archeologc sites, the acropolis, the archaic agoras... a lot of color in this city..what I maanged to see in a couple of hours oppened my appetite for another affair, I would give myself at least a week next time! thanks Saki for giving me the visiting tip ( immagine, I sms-ed my half greek half egyptian frind in egypt to give me some contacts to meet someone and show me around - in the end he told me where to go and I followed his advice)

Kuwait...welll this is another story...I only have 2 days here and not much to say...a lot of dust, city in construction, a country which u can cross from one side to the opposite in about 45 min, 1/3 of it is inhabited - the gulf area - by around 3 million ppl out of which 2 m,illion are foreigners... I didnt get out of the house except by car and with someone, never by myself, I got a bit bored in my first day at work - today - the most common thing to do here is go to the mall, shop, have something to eat or dring or smoke at one of the dinning or coffeee places from the malls... u can go up the towers and see all the country... I think there are some beaches or some pool options to figure out...all in all not so much diverstity, Im not that excited but I still have hope, I put all my hope in the people Im gonna meet and ...that's it!

factual!
my thoughts...next time :)

Ame's list

I have a little list book... its from Brazil and it sais..."If travelling is your passion, then Brazil is your destination" I truly believe this little notebook will guide my steps to Brazil eventually. Its time to remember passions and its time to travel again, its time to make a new list. And I'm happy about it.

I've spent more than I could ever immagine in Romania, more than 3 months...and my innitital expectations were for 1 month and a half... this is clearly overdelivery, it saturated me completely and I realized that I didn't learn all the patience I could in Egypt, there still is a lot to be learned and this long holiday just got me starting. I didnt stay put. And when I did, I was so agitated that you cannot even count this time, it was more stress than relaxation... kinda destructive if I look back and annalize it now. I have my limits of being constructive. I have my limits of providing selfmotivation. I have my limits of being destructive. And I think I just reached them these days... Im tired of lazing around, I'm tired of "relaxing", I'm tired of this stupid flu it's been knocking me dead these past days, I'm tired of Resita - my home town - I'm tired of the grey autumn sky, undecided whether to drop a bit of rain or let the sun shine, I'm tired of not having all my friends around, I'm tired of not hearing enough noise, I'm tired of expecting... it's like the song I like from this romanian band...

"si te prinde bine rolul, sa stai toata ziua-n pat, si s-astepti cuminte clipa-n care tot se va schimba...si tot astepti sa ti se-ntample ceva...si tot astept sa se-ntample ceva..."

transaltion now, ha?

"and it suits you well this act, to sit all day long in bed, and wait patiently for the moment in which everything will change; and you keep waiting for something to happen, and you still wait for something to happen"... things to drop from the sky... the apple to fall on your head...what?

I like this band... they have their way with words... with sounds, with lirics and music, great power of expression, simple and direct, freshly from the depts of the young controversed person. I would have said teenager, but the message doesn't limit to them. It fits many. Too many... including me. So, I was saying they are right, I'm tired to sit and wait for something to happen to me, I'm actually tired of this role I have because I feel with my hands tight...I cannot really do very much to change the situation, I can just change the waiting area and the distractions which keep me from screaming or gettign histerrical coz I've been waiting too long and I'm out of patience.

AND again it's happening, I started to write ( I admit, to change distraction) planning to be factual this time, to provide random readers with a narrative of my 3 mopnths in Romania, things I did, people I met, places I've seen and so on... but noooo... I'm still not capable of doing, it all comes back to my state of mind. Ha! this is me, not more not less, after all one has to release the tension one way or another and writing always kept me good company. Too bad I copuld never write what I wanted..it's like Im starting to write and the word become masters and they are in control... the thoughts, not the words... Im becomming difficult to follow...

Khalas I'm done with selfharrasing! I'll GET DOWN TO the list (In my passion notebook)

Faling stars

Did you ever stay up a night to see the stars? Did you ever see the milky way building itself and discover how it gives birth to each constelation... how the big bear rises in its full bright and highness and the small bear appears a bit more shy and tiny on the other side of the moon? oh..and the moon... first it sends its beams, shy, pale, exploring, climbing montains, resting on a brench, lighting a leafe, then they rise slowly as the unknown ground becomes known and nude under its white shine, and it grows dearing and mighty taking reign of the night sky and the stars pale and make way to the queen of the night. And if you watch this phenomena night after night for a while, you feel how natural this conquer of the dark is, you stop noticing the grandour of the entry and start noticing a bit more the stage: constelation after constelation claiming its rights around the ligthen throne, you dont even know which are which, what Orion?, what Casiopeia?, what Gemini or Virgo or Scorpio? you dont care, you just feed your eyes with the light and the bright and the mistery of the night. your neck sleeps in the most unconfortable position but you dont care about he pain, you keep spinning the head held up to see a new one and a new one and a new one... and then it strikes you!!! what was that? for a fraction of a second you thought you saw a new star, but it moved... and faded slowly in the dark ...dissapeared leaving behind a shiny tale of light as proof of the bleeding sky. the stage lost an actor, the play goes on without it and the scenery fills in with a cloud or the shine of its queen hiding up the traces of the crime...a star fell.

Make a wish!

you'd smile to yourself thinking as a child...when a star falls down a wish comes true :) who would wish all the best to the world? who would wish for everyone to be happy and for him to be with everyone to enjoy the happiness, who would offer to the world everyhting in the agony of a falling star?

Would you?

Falling stars make wishes come true
Falling stars raise hopes
Falling stars raise expectations
Falling stars make room to funeral silence
Falling stars lighten up souls
Falling stars cry
Falling stars laugh
Falling stars put their sparkle in your eyes!

PAY ATTENTION TO THE SKY JUST OnE NIGHT, the falling stars will fill your eyes with light, your soul with hopes and will give your dreams their shiny path.

This is the fiction of a night: falling stars.

Resita - 18 Aug 2006 - night

Home sweet home

Turcoise... is my color, its what defines me now: green as the lands Im passing - the hills and the forests and the wildish valleys and majestic mountains of my beautiful country - and blue as the sky Im missing - the freedom, the immensity, the unknown. Im spoprty in turcoise, Im elegant in turcoise, Im sexy or chique or almost naked in turcoise...Im all myself these days, Im peaceful and lazy and careless and cheerful and friendly and appealing in turcoise. But i DINT want to write about my color or my mood or my thoughts, I wanted to write about my discovery of home.

Homeland, I never quite felt the meaning and the weight of this word, I never saw the true beauty of it, I never thought about it nor talked about it. Well, since I saw my homeland from the plane, first thought which pumped into my head: GREEN, this country is green.Then when I landed and went through the regular customs procedures, romanian - these people actually speak romanian and they can understand me if I talk even if I dont want them to...innevitably they would understand my most natural secret language, the only communication way that I felt privileged and I kept for my most personal expression when I was away. Somehow dissapopinting at first, then recatching all its glopry and remembering all the words and re-learning to use it to its full potential. Then, after I got on my way towards the city, sense of humor, gosh how I missed our healthy romanian sense of humor, the ability to laugh at any trouble and to slip a bit of sarcasm or innocent irony to spice any conversation...nothing is borring, nothing get flat, nothing remains without salt & peper, its all a game of the mind and the tongue which sometimes seems poisoned, othertimes seems dipped in honey but you can never know which one is it unless u play after the same rules.

Ain't it fun???

I didnt stay in one place too long, to give myself the chance to catch up to as many people and places as I could. The A place was the beggining...and the end of the first night, in rythms of old but good music, heat that I missed, faces passing by in the same way, friends with the same vibe, same bartenders, same stupid assholes hitting on you, same toilets with the smart prints to "Give piss a chance", same DJ who if asked nicely can offer you a supergirl to spoil your senses, same walk back home after 5 am in a rainy bucharest dawn, to refresh our hangovered selves just enough to fall in a deep sleep and wake up 3 hrs after the first meeting of the second day. Welcome back! The right way :)

Meeting postoned, 2 coffees and 2 hrs of shopping after, my old window to the world of my student self, my old favourite bookshop, same old favourite tea place - fancy tea, not egyptian bedouin tea - new old friends, saying hi, saying bye, surprisingly close, nad naturally surprised by my new story telling self... not surprised enough to stop asking many many questions...but Ive got all the answers anyone can ask me for.

Snapshot of my first two days.

Now, one month and a half after

( 5 days home to see my parents and catch my breath,

2 days in Vama Veche - black sea, chilli waves, good live concerts, quality drinking, crazy friends -

another day in Bucharest with Billy Idol and the A as hosting place for great friends meeting,

10 days in Paris faling and falling in love with the looks and sounds and smells and vibe of the french core with the hep of good old Jacek,

another day in Bucharest with the right people for the right re-welcome home,

1 crazy out of this world week at home with some exotic touch,

1 unwanted but extremely exquisite and finnally accepted as a necessary evil wedding, many relatives,

a week in dear heart of transilvania, Sibiu, old places, old loves,

1 week in almost hungarian lands, discovering babysitting is not that bad, you can actually loose weight with it,

1 hitchhike and a countryside visit )

Im back in my home. cozy bed, lazy attitude, good food, warm friends, unexpected rediscovery, 2 beautiful starry nights full of memories and tenderness. No mopre saying goopdbye, Im just saying hello now, Im answering calls to visit or to join or to have fun together and looking for a drop of active feeling wihtin myself, solving serious legal identity issues or future career development, reading my eyes off and not getting enough of it, preparing for another wedding, new old encounters, new goodbyes.

This is me now, happy but in snapshots, calm but restless, wanting to move but staying still, breathing the light mountain air, enjoying the wind in my hair while im swingging in a craddle, clopsing safe in my mind the precious immages of my beloved mountains, the flow of the water, the green of the hills, the smell of the pine trees and of fresh wet gound, feeling with every inch on my skin the heavy cold nourishing rain drops, melting in the heat of a lopng forgotten passion, closed in a small room top rest my body and escaping to the great beyond, in search of the green and the blue, as I am turcoise.

Which color are you?

Puzzle of me

today i cannot pick a theme, today i feel like self censored, inspired, oppressed, willing to write, willing to gather pieces of me but I dont know who may be up for the puzzle... still me!

I lost that mood, I lost that day, I am now many days away, 2 countries away and heading for other two ones in the next month, hm.. pretty busy time I'd say ;)

there was a puzzle of mine when I was back in Cairo and I had no IDEA about what's gonna come next and I really cared about it so muhc as to puzzle myslef, can u believe oh self of mine? the change now is that I dont care too much ...I just let things happen and pass and come and welcome the new ones as they must be at least as good as the ones i look back to :)

and I always look back with a smile...this is the beauty of the game, u always have something to smile about...even in the most brown situations. but just to actually wirte something significant, not just a puzzle of myself, I m now in Paris and enjoying 100%

fire works for the 14 july in front of the Tour Eiffel on Champ de Mars

climbing 100stairs to Sacre Coeur and catching the most amazing view of Paris from Montmartre

jogging almost all inside and outside and all around the Louvre Museum

enjoying the up from the spinning wheel view of the Jardins Des Tuilerilles with their fountains and statues and chilled out parisians and tourists, all relaxed on the grass or sunbathing wherever they found a good spot

road - train tripping to Chateau de Fointainebleu, old royale residence, with a touch of Louis XV and Napoleon Bonaparte who didnt like too much the decorative style of the Louis'es dynasty and replaced most of arrangements with his imperiale style... gardens are wonderful.. both sauvage jardin anglais & pretty geometric and precise beauty of the french garden

Place de la Concorde with the subtley arranged egyptian obelisque and the opera profiling in the horizon... and some smart cyclistes reminding of the good old tour de france in its best moments

the virgin peluse in front of Dome des Invalides, a beauty to walk there barefoot by night and feel the light of the beautiful Paris...

je vais continuer... un jour de ces qui viennent, apres avoir vu le musee D'Orsay, l'Arc de Triomphe, Pere Lachaise, les Champs d'Elisees, la Centre Pompidou... et avoir fait quelques achats... seulement pour se souvenir proprement du Citee de l'Amour!

au revoir, maintenant, je vous dis bon nuit!